Tiny Tootsies

Your baby is a thumb sucker, you say?  Underachiever, I say.  Toes are the new thumbs.  I'll even try to eat other people's toes if they get close enough.  Big Big Brother almost learned the hard way.  Sheeshee keeps her toes away...so I bite her nose.  Serves her right.  Little Big Brother just laughs.  My current goal is to consistently get both feet in my mouth at the same time.  Watch for my Baby Yoga channel on YouTube.   

Mind Games Forever....

What's up, fans?  Long time no blog.  WME has been busy, something about new jobs and different stuff and for some reason, my couch is at another house and I think the baby cage is going there, too.  I don't know what "moving" is, but it has WME and Bearded Daddy in quite a tizzy. 

So since they're so flustered, I decided to cheer them up by playing some new games with them.  I like to call Bearded Daddy's game, "Pick up my shit".  This game is simple.  Bearded Daddy hands me a toy, and as I look at him adorably, I drop the toy on the ground.  Giggle.  After he picks it up, we repeat.  A lot. 

WME caught on to "Pick up my shit", so for her, I invented a new game, called, "Bitch, please".  This game is for fingernail trimming time.  I like to wait until she gets the clippers RIGHT there, lined up with the nail, ready to go in...then I MOVE MY HAND.  As if I'd let her trim my nails.  I'm saving those claws. 

I'm sure you might say that's a lot of cursing for a little baby, but seriously, if you lived with these people, you'd curse, too.  It's a zoo in here. 

Crap, gotta go, here comes WME.  I'll check back in once the "moving" is over. 

Octonauts

WME doesn't let me watch much TV.  She says my tiny brain needs better food than that.  But sometimes I watch Paw Patrol while she stuffs her face, and she also recently discovered Octonauts on Netflix gets my attention, so sometimes if I fuss just right, she'll turn it on.

Here's my watching face

And when the theme song comes on!  That's my jam!!

I really groove!

 But then I got so excited that I wore myself out.  

Dig Your Own Gold!

Help me!  This woman is PICKING.  MY.  NOSE.  Those are mine!!  Pick your own, WME! 

Mirror, Mirror?

Today I was sure WME was holding me, but then I saw her...HOLDING ANOTHER BABY!  She kept saying something about a "mirror", whatever that is.  All I know is that other baby best get lost.  She may be the WME, but she is MY WME. 

The "big, big bed"

So, there's apparently some confusion here about the sleeping arrangements.  WME and her accomplice, Bearded Daddy, keep putting me in the baby cages.  There's an upstairs baby cage and a downstairs one.  Sometimes I lay in the downstairs one and play and watch the cats come to visit.  I don't like to stay in the upstairs one at all.  Anyway, they seem to think I should sleep in said cages.  However, they need to understand that I sleep in the big, big bed.  I have tried to teach them by laying on it and watching WME get ready for work, and falling asleep within minutes so she sees how natural it is, but she's a slow learner.  Sometimes they let me sleep in the big, big bed at night, and they sleep on each side.  I let them have just enough room that they don't fall off, in the hopes of training them on the appropriate sleeping arrangements.  I'll keep you posted on their progress, but I have little hope that they'll catch on anytime soon.  They seem stubbornly attached to the idea of me sleeping in a cage.  If I'm an animal, I'm a WILD animal, and I cannot be tamed or caged.

Get off me, woman!

People.  This mother of mine.  She snuggles me, and I fall asleep.  It's like a big dose of Benadryl, whatever that is.  Can someone please tell her I have things to do?!  I have a very tight schedule of playing on my playmat, hanging with my bouncy seat homies, and pooping my pants.  I don't have time to SLEEP IN.  Someone talk to her. 

Case of the Ickies

I don't feel well, friends.  I've got the pukes.  It's making me fussy, and the only thing making me feel better is laying in MY big bed with the Worst Parents Ever on each side.  WME is uncharacteristically allowing this to go on.  I might stay sick longer than truly necessary to take advantage of this. 

"No more neck cheese!"

That's what WME said to me this morning.  "No more neck cheese."  If you don't know what neck cheese is, it's this delightful stuff that forms in the chubby neck rolls of cute little babies like myself when we let formula roll out of our adorable little mouths and down into said rolls.  I am an excellent neck cheese manufacturer, because I know if I slobber out enough of the nasty stuff, WME will put it in my stomach tube and then I can lay back and enjoy the feeling of being full without working for it or having to taste icky formula in my mouth.  This woman is trying to hold me back, I tell you.  She's damaging my self-esteem by limiting me like this.  And Grandma is no help this time.  She is also anti-neck cheese.  I'm surrounded by haters.

I AM a big kid

My big brothers and sister keep telling me, "Look at you being a big girl!  Look at you sitting with the big kids!" 

Seriously, I AM a big kid.  And the boss in this house.  Don't sound so surprised. 

WME is like the paparazzi

I have a new game with WME.  I like to smile and be genuinely adorable until she tries to take my picture...then it's time for blank face.  I'm not her trained monkey.  I'm not smiling on demand so she can post me all over the Facebook.  No thanks.  

Just to show her who's boss, I let my babysitter video me not just smiling, but LAUGHING yesterday.  Love my Aunt Misti.  Check me out:  

Making the move

As many of you know, friends, I've been using WME's (Worst Mom Ever) FB account to air my grievances with her poor and neglectful parenting.  But she's on to me, and in order to preserve my First Amendment rights, I've moved here to my very own blog.  I'm also working on getting a hotline to Grandma established so I can reach her in emergencies, like when I have to cry for more than two minutes or when my bouncy seat music isn't to my satisfaction.  I'm also working on rescuing some of my old posts from under her editorial control, so I'll be sharing those from time to time. 

Ginnysicle